When October 26, 1976 - Just late posting, is all!
Where Their dorm room.
What A fight. And a resolution.
Remus's essay just finished (it was apparent that the library's atmosphere wasn't helping him study any better than he would have elsewhere--plus, the dorm was empty for the while), his quill had been replaced by a sugar one, and it stuck out of his mouth idly as he laid back against the headboard of his bed. There was naturally still a book in his hand: Crime and Punishment. There was nothing better than reading a good book after finishing all of one's schoolwork, after all. At least, in Remus's opinon, anyway. On top of everything else, supper had been magnificent (if slightly odd), and he had found his favorite sweater--the one he had assumed had been lost--sticking out of Peter's trunk. Warm, well-fed, sweet tooth satisfied, and book in hand, Remus Lupin was in his ultimate comfort zone.
Where was he? Sirius had ate supper with James and Peter, his eyes constantly scanning the room for Remus until he had finally spotted the other marauder with..Silarial? He hadn't meant for his meal to get suddenly more forceful, his fork stabbing into his potatoes in a way that made Peter snicker almost nervously as he stared down at the food on his plate.
Now, he had looked in the library for Remus and everywhere but the dorms, and was heading up the stairs to check there, taking two at a time. He couldn't help but feel almost betrayed. Remus had been so busy lately, and Merlin be damned if Sirius didn't feel...left out. His lips where in a perfect Black sneer as he came into the dorm room to finally find his lost mate. However, now that he had found him, he was just to angry to say a word, so he merely stormed into the room, shooting him a glare and plopping onto his own bed. He was tired after all that useless searching and pretending he would find Remus and they would laugh and chat and spend the evening together. He was miffed.
The sudden, blustery entrance into their dorm was startling, especially considering the previous tranquility in the room, and Remus looked up somewhat jerkily. Sirius, of course. Who was looking more than a little put out. Which wasn't something entirely new, but there was no announcement as to who had aggrieved him; even more worrisome was the fact that Sirius had focused his glare in Remus's direction. Pushing himself up slightly against the pillows behind him, Remus glanced tentatively toward the other boy as he flopped down on his own bed, eyes vaguely worried. "Hullo, Sirius," he started. Perhaps it was best to simply go about this casually. It had been ages since he had really seen Sirius as such--it wasn't something Remus liked to remember.
"Hmph," Sirius merely grunted in reply, putting his hands under his head and staring up at the ceiling of his four poster, as if it held the object of his anger. He knew he gave off waves of anger when upset, but he didn't care. He merely stayed in his mood, as if Remus cared. Doesn't have time for me, anyway, he thought to himself, briefly wondering if there was someone he was seeing. Oh, that would be just perfect, wouldn't it? Just peachy. Sirius brooded to himself, not giving Remus even a look.
A silent Sirius was never good. Remus swallowed, throughly bemused. He set his book down in his lap, one finger marking his page reflexively as he studied Sirius's upturned face. "Er, bad day?" He was being an utter pillock, he knew, but it wasn't as though he had a clue what was going on. Perhaps if Sirius would just tell him what he'd done, he wouldn't be so hopeless at this sort of thing. They'd been in arguments before--sort of, anyway. But Sirius always made his displeasure clear; it wasn't as though he was shy about pointing out Remus's faults, after all. It was simply his nature. And this cold shoulder of sorts made Remus much too uncomfortable. This was exactly, he thought, the sort of thing he worried about throughout First Year.
"As if you'd know," Came the grumbled reply. Sitting up on his bed and leaning back against the headboard, Sirius still didn't look at Remus, though his anger was still brewing. "You'd think you would know, but you don't because no one bloody knows where you are, not counting bloody well Silarial." He muttered it all quickly, blowing his hair back from his eyes as he shoot another glare at Remus. He would be more vocal then, if Remus didn't want to admit he was avoiding Sirius, he would force him too!
Oh, of course Sirius would find out. Remus had been a complete idiot to even hope that the other boy wouldn't have noticed--or make a big deal of it, for that matter. "I only sat with her this once, Sirius--there's nothing wrong with it. She's a perfectly decent girl, and we'd just run into each other at the library, that's all." Remus kept his voice patient. There was absolutely no use in both members of a conversation--fight? he wondered--losing their heads.
"Yeah, well, how would I know it's only supper, huh? You never hang around with me and James and Peter anymore, too busy with this or that! You've become to busy and too smart and too interested in bloody Silarial for me!" He hadn't meant to say just himself there, but he wasn't going to correct himself. He merely crossed his arms and looked down at his bed spread, as if it held the answers to his accusations.
Remus couldn't quite hide his surprise, and his eyebrows slanted together to echo his worry. "I haven't been avoiding you," he blinked, shaking his head just slightly. "It's only been this past week that I've been a bit busy." Sirius's comment about Silarial was--off. Something Remus certainly hadn't been expecting. "I'm not--I mean, I'm not--interested in Silarial," his face colored faintly. He paused, studying Sirius inquisitively. "She's just nice." This conversation was going somewhere Remus wasn't sure of, and he swallowed again, stomach unsettled. It was hardly fair of Sirius to go around pointing fingers, after all.
"Past week my arse," Sirius mumbled, then stood up, pushing his hair back with one hand as he pointed a finger at Remus, "You've been too busy all year, you know? Too busy for us, to do anything, to chat! I've got to bloody book you ahead of time, and James too! What am I, a bother? And you're always in the library by yourself! You'd rather be with books then me, us!" He caught himself that time and paused, crossing his arms yet again, before flailing them angrily, "And now you are seating with Slytherins! Gone to the other Black, have you? I'm not good enough?" His voice was rather loud, so he calmed down and spotted speaking abruptly, taking a deep breath and staring hard at Remus. Oh, he knew what this was all about, but he couldn't say. He couldn't believe he was doing this, fighting like this, not with Remus.
"Sirius, what on earth is the matter with you?" Remus's tone was just slightly testy, and he stood up as well as if on Sirius's cue. "Just because you and James can get your high marks without much effort at all doesn't mean everyone else can. This is important--I can't just--skive off, you know," Remus inhaled sharply, as if he was going to say something else, but he stopped, unsure. But after a short pause, he continued. "I knew you would make such a big deal about talking to Silarial. To Regulus," Remus's eyes flashed, hardened. This was not comfortable; fighting with Sirius was not familiar territory. "They're not evil, you know. And--" he cut himself off. It would do no good to mention all the times Sirius and James ventured off together, collaborating, sharing their jokes, wrestling. That sort of natural tactility never came easily to Remus, who was unaccustomed to the concept of touching without thought. He had always been too awkward with himself. He told himself it wasn't jealousy.
"Regulus? You actually talk with him?" Sirius was taken off guard by that, he had meant it as an insult. But, Remus was really talking with Regulus. "What? Why? He's a fool, a show off, and bloody well hates all of us, no matter what he plays at!" Sirius was back to flailing his arms, stepping closer to Remus, "And 'And-' what, huh? what have you to 'And' about? Regulus. Hupmh." That hurt Sirius more then he was about to let on, so he merely sneered. What did Regulus have that he didn't? He was a much better friend, wasn't he? Jealousy certainly was one of the emotions in Sirius' eyes, though he would never admit it.
Surprise flickered once again in Remus's eyes, and he cursed himself. He made a soft noise, face turning away from Sirius's for a moment. "Regulus is not a fool." And this time, although Remus's voice was much softer, his tone was dangerous, quietly angry. "Am I not allowed to have other friends? It's not as though I ask you to consult me before dashing off with--whomever you feel. I'm not the one who came back to the dorm at Merlin know's what hour with lipstick on my collar." He didn't step back, although Sirius advanced; standing his ground was something ingrained, perhaps. Or perhaps it was Moony's instinct. In either case, he held firm, although something about the look in Sirius's eyes made his breath catch. He swallowed. "I don't even know why I'm explaining myself to you." He felt stifled, suffocated. There was something familiar tightening in his chest that he didn't want to think about, shoved down quickly. He turned, this time with the intent of brushing past Sirius to leave the room.
Sirius let out a low growl at Remus' word's, Padfoot obviously reacting with him. How dare Remus be angry at Sirius? He wasn't sneaking around, was he? "You see Regulus when you go to the library, don't you?" He said, his own voice going low before his eyes widened when Remus tried to leave, his hand shooting out to grab his shirt, "No!" He said firmly, turning to face him again as he held his shirt, "You don't understand," He snarled, his eyes searching Remus' face for a moment, as if trying to figure out what to do, then he shook it off. He couldn't let himself get distracted, "You can have other friends, Remus, but not ignore me. Avoid me for them!"
As surprised as he was by Sirius's sudden physicality, Remus operated on principle, his own expression flickering into something more offensive--as though poised to attack, if just for a moment. He glanced down, eyeing the hand over his shirt before his gaze shifted back up to Sirius's face, cold. There was something going on here that wasn't connecting. "I've only seen him once--and that doesn't even matter." While Sirius's tone was unnerving, his own reflexively darkened as well. "What don't I understand? I told you--I'm not avoiding you!"
"What? What?" Sirius spat out, not sure of what to really say. He wasn't sure what he wanted Remus to know. That he missed him when he was doing something else? That he was jealous when he saw him with Silarial? That he didn't want to let go of his shirt and stop feeling the warmth that met his knuckles? His eyes narrowed for a moment, then, in the scrambled mind of Sirius Black, it all became clear, what he had to do was obvious. What would make Remus know what he felt was a simple move. He pulled the boy forward and tilted his head, pushing his lips to him forcefully. Yes, this seemed right. For the moment. Tell him what you think, tell him how you feel, tell him everything. Sirius couldn't think clearly anymore, his jealously and anger and...He didn't know what for Remus swirling around his mind. He couldn't even think what the other boy would think of it all.
For a moment, Remus was very sure Sirius was going to hit him. The other boy's intensity certainly suggested it, and Remus had seen expression on Sirius's face roughly akin to the one currently on it just before he raised his fist to a Slytherin. Remus tensed aptly, then, muscles alert, and when Sirius did move suddenly, Remus tensed. What happened, though, was quite possibly the most unexpected thing that could have ever occured. For a split second, Remus was sure he had been hit, and only after adjusting, he realized that Sirius was kissing him. Quite vehemently. The raw, unknown feeling in his stomach rose again, but this time it fluttered differently, and Remus's face flushed; somehow his hands had found themselves gripping Sirius's forearms. This was... hadn't been supposed to happen. Sirius was the most heterosexual person he knew--wasn't he? Reality was contradicting him, however. In the middle of these thoughts, though, Remus realized that he was meeting Sirius in the middle, pressing back against the other boy and opening his mouth.
Oh Merlin was the thought all the others materialized into when he felt Remus return the kiss. Sirius hadn't thought very far ahead, but if he had, he would have imagined Remus pushing him away and calling him a pooftah and storming off, confused and angry. Not doing this. He gave a small whimper and pulled Remus closer, his hand crushed between them but it hardly mattered as his other arm, hot from where Remus was holding him, moved to wrap around the other boy. Everything Sirius did had a passion behind it, of course this would. Yes, this is what he had had to do. This is way he never lasted long with a bird. This is way the thought of Remus talking with Regulus burned him. This was why, on the full moons, he loved to walk up and strech, feeling the limbs of the other boy heavy and warm against his own as they sleepily streched together and arose for a day of recovery and laughter. This was right.
Sirius's chest was warm against his, even through their shirts, and it only made sense that Sirius wouldn't half-arse anything, even kissing one of his friends. Dizzily, Remus broke away, blue eyes wide as they were unable to leave the other boy's face. One pale hand found itself over his forehead as he stared, face flushed and lips slightly swollen. "You--" his voice was a sliver too high. "Sirius, you're kissing me." He breathed. Remus Lupin was a very confused werewolf. It wasn't that he hadn't enjoyed it (although it had been over much too quickly for him to completely register everything), but Sirius seemed to be losing his mind. Why else would he have been kissing him? Remus's expression shifted into something more concerned as he regarded the other boy.
Sirius blinked twice after Remus spoke, his arm still around him and his lips still tasting of him. Then, as if all was suddenly clear as to what Remus was saying, his arm slipped back to his side and his hand let go of the other boy's shirt. His eyes registered the concern in Remus' face as pity and he shook his head, his lips moving for a moment without words, then he suddenly found them.
"Yeah, so?" He said, as if annoyed by the obvious statement, though he was trying to figure out what to do now. Now that instinct had taken it's course and he was left to pick up the pieces. He stepped back, his eyes flicking around them, as if he was considering fight or flight. And frankly, with Remus looking at him like that, he was.
"I mean, you--" Remus's groped for words, but his mind had apparently melted into Sirius kiss is it hot in here? Oh good heavens what is going on do it again. Or something like that, anyway. His arms fluttered in the air uselessly for a moment, and he licked his lips, lips parted as he tried to come up with something to say. Apparently, being snogged by one's best mate leaves one incapable of eloquence. "You never--never--" said anything, and all those girls was what Remus was going to say, but instead he pressed forward again, body seeming to move on its own accord, completely disjunct from his mind, and the rest of his sentence was lost in Sirius's mouth.
His eyebrows were raised in question before Remus was suddenly in his arms again as if he never left, Sirius easily pulling him close for another kiss. The other girls were not like Remus. Remus was perfect, so shy yet so exciting, and so very sweet in Sirius' strong grip. Sirius never knew it would be this nice. their strong chests pressed against each other. He didn't think htis made him a pooftah. He just liked Remus and Remus alone. That was the same.
Kissing was definitely not something Remus had much experience with at all, but he wasn't thinking about the logistics of it (amazingly enough) so much as the press of Sirius's body against his, or the way the other boy's hair brushed against his face, shaggy and unruly. This was mad, he was sure. It was the only logical explanation, after all. There had never been a hint--naturally, it wasn't as though they never touched each other. Sirius had always slung his arms around his mates, had pressed sloppy kisses against their cheeks (mostly when he was completely drunk), and had always been generally very canine in his physicality. This, though. This was different. So, so wonderfully different.
Remus in his arms was all that Sirius wanted at the moment, though he knew there would be questions after. He knew he would have to explain himself. Explain how he liked to watch Remus smile, how he loved to have Remus' fingers in his hair when he was petting him like Padfoot. How he loved to just sit with Remus, doing whatever. how all of those girls were just friends now, and Sirius didn't want any of them as much as he wanted Remus. his lips felt perfectly fitted to Remus', as if they were meant to be. Didn't that explain enough?
Remus pulled away again, though more gradually than he had previously, and they were still connected both by Sirius's hands around Remus and by Remus's hands buried in Sirius's hair (apparently Remus's body was functioning without Remus's conscious being aware of it). "Er," he said, rather intelligently, and it might have been rather odd with their faces so close together, but Remus didn't much mind.
"Yeah," Sirius said, his lips curving up slightly, though almost comically a second letter turning down, as he tried to figure out what to say next. He merely gave Remus a questioning look, their lips still so close Sirius found it hard to focus.
The dimple that formed in Sirius's brow as he frowned was quite endearing, if Remus said so himself, and it was nice to be able to look at it from this angle. One of his hands slid down, thumb brushing against the spot between the other boy's eyebrows for a brief moment before curving around Sirius's jaw. He couldn't help his own lips from quirking up into a smile, or even the laughter that was muffled against Sirius's neck as he rested his head against the other boy's shoulder. "We are rather brilliant, don't you think?" He said to Sirius's collarbone.
That brought a loud laugh from Sirius, the sound rumbling in his chest as he squeezed Remus, "Right you are, Moony, right you are!" He always did know what to say to make Sirius smile. Sirius brought a hand up to run his fingers through Remus hair, then looked down at him, "Are you...I mean, Alright?" He questioned. He wondering if Remus was just being...Remus, and taking care of Sirius in the way that the situation called for; humouring him then letting him down gently.
The shirt underneath him smelled nicely, Remus found, but he lifted his head at the tentative question, meeting Sirius's eyes once again. "Yes," he blinked, eyes just slightly wide. "Are you?" His eyebrows twitched upward as he regarded the other boy. Though most of it had passed, a part of Remus still wondered whether Sirius knew exactly what he was doing. "It's just that I, well, you know. I've never--and you've--but that was--" It was frustrating to be so incapable of finishing his phrases, but Remus's hands seemed to want to finish the sentences by themselves as he stepped back slightly, gesturing vaguely.
"Yeah, yeah, I mean, I know," Sirius mumbled, nodding as he looked at Remus carefully, "I mean, I didn't think that you-And I thought that I-And well...Yeah." He nodded again with a lop sided grin. He hadn't planned to do that, but it seemed fine. And his anger was all gone, though he still had his jealousy, but it didn't matter. Remus was standing so close to Silarial, now was he?
Sirius's lack of words wasn't so out of the ordinary, Remus thought to himself with amusement, nor was his impulsiveness. Remus had to echo Sirius's grin, and he licked his lips absently. "Hang on, aren't we in a fight?" But the corners of his mouth were still quirked upward, and his hand brushed against Sirius's at their sides.
"We were," Sirius nodded, his eyes shining as he smiled, however. Had he finally come forward with his feelings? What were his feelings? He fancied Remus. Yes, that was certain. Did Remus feel the same? Well, he hadn't run, so Sirius was going to take that as a yes. Naturally. "Sorry, Moony." He muttered, though his face was still a broad smile. "Didn't mean to...Yell."
"It's all right," Remus shook his head, though it was rather odd that Sirius had apologized--at least, first. "I'm sorry as well. It was a bit trivial, after all." He pursed his lips for a moment before he smiled again; there was a quiet sort of happiness fluttering in the pit of his stomach, and his cheeks flushed once again in response. "I do think this calls for a kitchen raid, though." There was a glint of mischief in his eye and in his smile, which broadened just a shade.
Sirius grinned broadly at the statement, nodding, "Yeah, I'm a bit hungry, myself!" He replied, wiggling his eyebrows, then placing a small kiss to Remus' forehead before pushing back his hair with a ruffle of his fingers through the light brown locks, "I could do with a good pudding, huh?" Moony was always good at bringing things back to normal, even if he wasn't sure if they were back or not. He just liked how Remus was now smiling with him.
The concepts of whatever this was between them were perhaps unclear, but Remus didn't quite think that, in this case at least, things needed to be cut-and-dry. Besides, things were usually abstract with Sirius, flitting here and there, and for once Remus found himself satisfied with the warmth spreading up his limbs, the intimate bumping of their shoulders as they walked side by side down the stairs. "Famished," Remus agreed, grinning.
"Smashing," Sirius said, his grin mirroring his friends as they moved closely. It didn't need to be sure at the moment. All he knew was that it was alright, and that's what mattered. He had to know it was alright.